And please note: For those of you already in a relationship, these warnings still apply.
They are a diagnostic tool for deciding whether your marriage needs a fix (or an exit strategy).
If you think your spouse or partner is abusive, or you suspect that someone you know is in an abusive relationship, review the red flags and other information on domestic abuse and violence covered in this article.
Recognizing the warning signs and symptoms of spousal abuse is the first step, but taking action is the most important step in breaking free.
While anger may be a warning sign of violence, it must be put in context.
In fact, by assuming that anger or increased substance abuse will always lead to violence means that many non-violent people who are in need of help become unfairly characterized as violent.
I debated about the title of this post, wondering whether my wording was too blunt a prescription for choosing a partner.
But when it came down to it, I couldn't find a more accurate alternative. I've spent the last few years interviewing over 700 older people about love, relationships, and marriage (described in a new book on the topic).
Schools need to teach about thought patterns that are unhealthy and about how extremist notions and behaviors can be controlled through self-awareness and training to catch the unhealthy self-talk.What if they had learned about all-or-nothing thinking patterns in themselves or others and about personality traits such as possessiveness and jealousy that can do so much harm?Love and hate can be closely intertwined in such a relationship.Even when their friends warned them to it break off, they already felt powerless to take action.But what if way back in school, they had learned the signs of what to watch out for, signs that could lead to serious problems and even violence later.